X Factor Rhydian Just As Much Of A Virgin As You Thought
Hey kids, ever wondered why X Factor favourite Rhydian Roberts can't sing anything but churchy musical numbers without looking like he's secretly dying of awkwardness on the inside?
Turns out it's because Rhydian is a Christian. And a virgin. But not a gay one. Speaking to The Mirror today, 24-year-old Rhydian Roberts has confirmed the obvious and admitted that he's a virgin who won't have sex with anyone before marriage. But he definitely isn't gay, something proved by the way Rhydian regularly sees girls and thinks "Grr, I'd do her," before thinking a little more quietly "just as soon as I've formed a legally-binding tie with her in front of all my friends and family in a prohibitively expensive ceremony, and then promised to God that I'll never split up with her, ever."
As our X Factor betting odds have pointed out almost from day one, Rhydian Roberts is going to win X Factor whether you like it or not. That's a little bit odd, because we thought X Factor was a show about finding a hot new popstar to make all the girls scream, not a show called Britain's Got The Next Obvious Presenter Of Harry Secombe's Highway.
But it isn't just Rhydian's powerhouse voice and startling preoccupation with Andrew Lloyd Webber that has got him noticed - it's also the way he acts. Without exception, you get the feeling that everyone who appeared on X Factor this year would wank off a dog if it meant them getting their own reality TV show on UKTV Micro Resistance Welding, but Rhydian's weird mixture of self-belief and jittery awkwardness have set him apart from the rest of the crowd. And now we know why.
Because he's a virgin.
We know, it's weird to think that a rugby-loving Welshman who wears sparkly suits and counts Phantom Of The Opera as his favourite ever song has never had sex, but that appears to be the case. Denying rumours that he's gay, Rhydian Roberts told The Mirror:
"That is not saying that I can't have fun with a lady. I love the company of women. I have been offered sex, like most men. But if you believe in something you can't compromise. But I am only human and you can fall short. At the moment, my priority is singing. I am not a closet Christian. If someone asks me about it, I will talk about it. I do pray on Saturdays but then I pray every day. But what will be will be, it's God's will and that is a great mental attitude to have."
Rhydian then confided:
"Once I am married, though, that's it - I'll be nuts-deep in rank sluts until the day I die. Booya!"
OK, he didn't say that. But there's a possibility that he was thinking it. We can tell.
Anyway, rather than harming his X Factor chances, we'd imagine that Rhydian's virgin confession has only helped to increase the likelihood of winning. The Great British public loves an outsider, you know - in recent years X Factor and Pop Idol has made stars out of stammerers, homosexuals, obese women, goat herders and ratty Scots with terrible hair who can't stop crying - and by proclaiming himself to be a Christian virgin, Rhydian has admitted being the biggest outsider of all.
So maybe Rhydian does deserve to win X Factor after all. At least that way we'll be better positioned to watch when he invariably slides off the rails in a whirlpool of girls and drugs and booze by Easter.
Source: http://www.hecklerspray.com/x-factor-rhydian-just-as-much-of-a-virgin-as-you-thought/200711250.php
Turns out it's because Rhydian is a Christian. And a virgin. But not a gay one. Speaking to The Mirror today, 24-year-old Rhydian Roberts has confirmed the obvious and admitted that he's a virgin who won't have sex with anyone before marriage. But he definitely isn't gay, something proved by the way Rhydian regularly sees girls and thinks "Grr, I'd do her," before thinking a little more quietly "just as soon as I've formed a legally-binding tie with her in front of all my friends and family in a prohibitively expensive ceremony, and then promised to God that I'll never split up with her, ever."
As our X Factor betting odds have pointed out almost from day one, Rhydian Roberts is going to win X Factor whether you like it or not. That's a little bit odd, because we thought X Factor was a show about finding a hot new popstar to make all the girls scream, not a show called Britain's Got The Next Obvious Presenter Of Harry Secombe's Highway.
But it isn't just Rhydian's powerhouse voice and startling preoccupation with Andrew Lloyd Webber that has got him noticed - it's also the way he acts. Without exception, you get the feeling that everyone who appeared on X Factor this year would wank off a dog if it meant them getting their own reality TV show on UKTV Micro Resistance Welding, but Rhydian's weird mixture of self-belief and jittery awkwardness have set him apart from the rest of the crowd. And now we know why.
Because he's a virgin.
We know, it's weird to think that a rugby-loving Welshman who wears sparkly suits and counts Phantom Of The Opera as his favourite ever song has never had sex, but that appears to be the case. Denying rumours that he's gay, Rhydian Roberts told The Mirror:
"That is not saying that I can't have fun with a lady. I love the company of women. I have been offered sex, like most men. But if you believe in something you can't compromise. But I am only human and you can fall short. At the moment, my priority is singing. I am not a closet Christian. If someone asks me about it, I will talk about it. I do pray on Saturdays but then I pray every day. But what will be will be, it's God's will and that is a great mental attitude to have."
Rhydian then confided:
"Once I am married, though, that's it - I'll be nuts-deep in rank sluts until the day I die. Booya!"
OK, he didn't say that. But there's a possibility that he was thinking it. We can tell.
Anyway, rather than harming his X Factor chances, we'd imagine that Rhydian's virgin confession has only helped to increase the likelihood of winning. The Great British public loves an outsider, you know - in recent years X Factor and Pop Idol has made stars out of stammerers, homosexuals, obese women, goat herders and ratty Scots with terrible hair who can't stop crying - and by proclaiming himself to be a Christian virgin, Rhydian has admitted being the biggest outsider of all.
So maybe Rhydian does deserve to win X Factor after all. At least that way we'll be better positioned to watch when he invariably slides off the rails in a whirlpool of girls and drugs and booze by Easter.
Source: http://www.hecklerspray.com/x-factor-rhydian-just-as-much-of-a-virgin-as-you-thought/200711250.php
Cheap humor of a sick mind.
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