Changes on way for seventh season of 'American Idol'
As we look back on last season's "American Idol" — excuse us while we yawn at the thought of Sanjaya's hair — the one thing it did best was bore us. And not just us. Celebrity "mentor" Gwen Stefani acted like she'd have rather been working the checkout line at Target.
Even "Idol" producers admit that they lost their focus in the glare of Phil Stacey's bald head. So they've made some changes for the seventh season, which began last week.
This season, "Idol" will go back to having fewer "mentors" and give us more up-close-and-personal time with contestants. And, at least in the audition phases, the wanna-be superstars are being allowed to play instruments as they warble.
Sure, all that's encouraging, but we're not ready to put away the No-Doz. So we propose seven more changes for a scintillating Season 7.
1. Practical mentoring
If producers really want to help contestants prepare for celebrity, hook 'em up with mentors who can offer truly relevant advice. Like Jessica Sierra. Tampa's own "Idol" spinout would be a splendid mentor for kids about to embark on a life of soul-crushing disappointment: She can teach them how to charm police, how to properly light a room at Econo Lodge, how to destroy your looks and still land on the front page. We also recommend legally challenged "Idol" fave Corey Clark, Partridge Family lame-o Danny Bonaduce and that chick from "The O.C." who just got bagged for DUI.
2. More sobbing fans
The most fascinating person on "Idol" last year? The sobbing girl losing her mind for Sanjaya. The most fascinating person on "Idol" the year before? The sobbing David Hasselhoff losing his mind for Taylor Hicks. Forget about those stupid Ford "videos." The company should sponsor a weekly segment that highlights the fascinating crybabies in the audience. Let's get to the bottom of why many Americans bawl more at "Idol" than at wakes. Then, at the end of each wet, soppy segment, when Ford blesses the emotionally unbalanced with a free Ford Ranger, they can weep like ninnies all over again!
3. Paula's happy hour
We're big fans of the old "Dean Martin Show." And nothing was cooler than Dino cracking open the hooch and having a cocktail on his prime-time variety show. Frazzled judge Paula Abdul says she rarely touches the stuff. But maybe she should start hitting it harder — at least that would explain her loopy behavior. Lose those plastic Coke cups and let Abdul peel the seal on a fifth of Jim Beam (and those pills she pops for her chronic pain) in front of 30 million viewers. Cheers, America!
4. A modern love story
Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest are madly in love. We know it, they know it, the world knows it. So why are they still playing mind games seven years later? That's sending the wrong message. So sometime in May, in the heart of sweeps month, put those two stubborn lovebirds onstage Simon in his man-bosomy sweater, wee Ryan in his special shoe lifts and let them pull a full-on Madonna-and-Britney liplock. Heal the world, fellas. Heal the world.
5. Sharper scorn
Abuse of the never-ending parade of horrid auditioners has become too predictable. A new mind game is needed to permanently scar these people. What they won't expect at the end of their audition is Randy Jackson shouting, "You know what, Dawg? You're still going to Hollywood," and once they've screamed and cried and preened, Seacrest telling them it's Hollywood, S.C., where they'll spend a week working on their true calling: the fries station at the McDonald's on Marshwood Drive.
6. Celebrity-Aid
Idol Gives Back is a noble effort by the show to use its world domination for good. The charitable fundraiser is back this year, but it needs a beneficiary we're not tired of hearing about, and one that has real meaning to its celebrity-loving fans and contestants. Like prison overcrowding in California. Or a scholarship fund for worthy rehabbers at one of Lindsay Lohan's three alma maters.
7. Goodbye songs' driving home America's dislike
The song played each week for the ejected contestant needs to be more pointed. Their dreams have been ground to a pulp, and it's not enough to tell them that they've "had a bad day" or they're "going home."
We want that final message to be pointed like a dagger. Send them away with Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good" sung by Leah LaBelle. (Remember her from Season 3?; didn't think so).
source: http://www.venturacountystar.com/news/2008/jan/22/changes-on-way-for-seventh-season-of-american/
Even "Idol" producers admit that they lost their focus in the glare of Phil Stacey's bald head. So they've made some changes for the seventh season, which began last week.
This season, "Idol" will go back to having fewer "mentors" and give us more up-close-and-personal time with contestants. And, at least in the audition phases, the wanna-be superstars are being allowed to play instruments as they warble.
Sure, all that's encouraging, but we're not ready to put away the No-Doz. So we propose seven more changes for a scintillating Season 7.
1. Practical mentoring
If producers really want to help contestants prepare for celebrity, hook 'em up with mentors who can offer truly relevant advice. Like Jessica Sierra. Tampa's own "Idol" spinout would be a splendid mentor for kids about to embark on a life of soul-crushing disappointment: She can teach them how to charm police, how to properly light a room at Econo Lodge, how to destroy your looks and still land on the front page. We also recommend legally challenged "Idol" fave Corey Clark, Partridge Family lame-o Danny Bonaduce and that chick from "The O.C." who just got bagged for DUI.
2. More sobbing fans
The most fascinating person on "Idol" last year? The sobbing girl losing her mind for Sanjaya. The most fascinating person on "Idol" the year before? The sobbing David Hasselhoff losing his mind for Taylor Hicks. Forget about those stupid Ford "videos." The company should sponsor a weekly segment that highlights the fascinating crybabies in the audience. Let's get to the bottom of why many Americans bawl more at "Idol" than at wakes. Then, at the end of each wet, soppy segment, when Ford blesses the emotionally unbalanced with a free Ford Ranger, they can weep like ninnies all over again!
3. Paula's happy hour
We're big fans of the old "Dean Martin Show." And nothing was cooler than Dino cracking open the hooch and having a cocktail on his prime-time variety show. Frazzled judge Paula Abdul says she rarely touches the stuff. But maybe she should start hitting it harder — at least that would explain her loopy behavior. Lose those plastic Coke cups and let Abdul peel the seal on a fifth of Jim Beam (and those pills she pops for her chronic pain) in front of 30 million viewers. Cheers, America!
4. A modern love story
Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest are madly in love. We know it, they know it, the world knows it. So why are they still playing mind games seven years later? That's sending the wrong message. So sometime in May, in the heart of sweeps month, put those two stubborn lovebirds onstage Simon in his man-bosomy sweater, wee Ryan in his special shoe lifts and let them pull a full-on Madonna-and-Britney liplock. Heal the world, fellas. Heal the world.
5. Sharper scorn
Abuse of the never-ending parade of horrid auditioners has become too predictable. A new mind game is needed to permanently scar these people. What they won't expect at the end of their audition is Randy Jackson shouting, "You know what, Dawg? You're still going to Hollywood," and once they've screamed and cried and preened, Seacrest telling them it's Hollywood, S.C., where they'll spend a week working on their true calling: the fries station at the McDonald's on Marshwood Drive.
6. Celebrity-Aid
Idol Gives Back is a noble effort by the show to use its world domination for good. The charitable fundraiser is back this year, but it needs a beneficiary we're not tired of hearing about, and one that has real meaning to its celebrity-loving fans and contestants. Like prison overcrowding in California. Or a scholarship fund for worthy rehabbers at one of Lindsay Lohan's three alma maters.
7. Goodbye songs' driving home America's dislike
The song played each week for the ejected contestant needs to be more pointed. Their dreams have been ground to a pulp, and it's not enough to tell them that they've "had a bad day" or they're "going home."
We want that final message to be pointed like a dagger. Send them away with Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good" sung by Leah LaBelle. (Remember her from Season 3?; didn't think so).
source: http://www.venturacountystar.com/news/2008/jan/22/changes-on-way-for-seventh-season-of-american/
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